Life's a Beach

Went to the beach today. Windy, cloudy, freezing, hot wind, kids running around, kids actually in arctic cold water. Like, with their heads under. Bruce in the car, to and fro from the beach, talking about metaphysics, religion, surfing and punching Nathan everytime we pass a VW.

The punching and laughing reminds me of my brothers. I have a lack of brothers in my life, and this Bruce is one killer brother. My brothers were/are both comedian types. Bruce is funny, but Bruce has this (ocean waterlogged) curiousity - a humble, giving guy. It's kind of nice to see a guy in his 20's who actually cares about kids, the earth, his place in the world, what he can do, how he can make things better. We talked about how maybe what you actually have, is enough. How being honest, when it's not popular, is brave. Maybe cause the kids are getting older, I can see our whole family - the kids all fit together, Bruce is important. With three littler siblings, it's kind of important that he has something wise to say - I'm glad he isn't just a comedian. At least he's teaching the kids humanitarian issues. He's alot like his dad. Good job, Dad. Good job with all of them. See, you are teaching them some things. Depth. I make cookies. You make thought. We all win.

But back to the beach. I was telling Bruce how all Will would play on his guitar was "Are You Strong Enough to Be My Man," and after laughing he started playing it. Emma and Lilly were tackling each other on the sand, Nathan and the other boys were swimming, a baby was running around with no pants, the wind was whipping us all and the grey ocean just kept going, wave after wave. I started thinking about Will because that music, man, it was like he was there, old Wooley, that fricking song he played, and I thought God, I'm sorry, Wool. You're missing this huge life. It's all there, crashing down around us. This huge life here, this complex chaotic busy life, and the beach is so cushy I wish I could just lay here and remember, every second, how lucky - Will, and all my people - the world is so noisy and rushing past, but I have these people, I love my people. I might be impossible to live with, and yellish, but I have loved all my people.

Even the people that came to pick a kitten out in our barn last night, it was dark, they were a family of three, we were gathered in the barn and they kept trading kittens, and talking about their pets, and telling stories, and they were doing this familiar dance of family and it was a privilege to be so close to Bob and his family, it was like a warm campout fire.

But today. It is a beautiful place, this beach. Even the car ride, and Carl's Jr afterward, and all the sandy feet and tired skin. We're here, I can see you, and I feel it all.