The Boob's the Thing

So I'm trying to do all these smart things, like planning the next few hundred years and seeing where I might be and what I might like to do. Lilly's almost in kindergarten. I have a severely age-impaired husband and his batteries can only run so long, and it's been a good ride but I have to step up to the plate eventually. Toss these young kids aside and bust out as some sort of world's first pole-dancing old mom or maybe even something with writing, the thing I actually do. There are several areas in my life, pockets of passion. Horse stuff, writing, kid stuff. Love. Humor. I have to be looking for the way to the most successful and happy combination of the upcoming years. I could promote my writing, I already have a book that just needs a seller. It's already done. I could go back to school and become a lactation consultant, but is there a big enough market for a person to squeeze little faces onto giant boobs all day? And is that what I want to do? Maybe fun, but that's alot of science. Although I know what a hypotenuse is now thanks to Nathan's homework, so it'd be exciting to actually use that instead of thinking it's some kind of new lovelorn mermaid. Although mermaids are more interesting. I could become a therapeutic riding instructor, but the pay doesn't seem to be the kind that supports a family, and I'm going to get older too. I can't be hefting retarded kids up and down off of horses. I could work in the schools and teach playwriting, even though schools cut all their theater programs. But I know there's a way through all that, with money at the end. Maybe I would like to write what's really going on, in people's lives, with humor. Like how Tina almost got beat up at TJ Maxx the other day for standing too close to a huge African lady in line. Real life is so freaking funny, and I know I need to read funny, so there must be others out there that need it too. I just have to find the venue. I may be destined to always be poor, but at least I will be a terrible cook. I might be remembered for that. And Nathan's basketball game was so exciting yesterday that I couldn't even eat the brownies I brought. Because Nathan is using only 10% of his actual power, and he looks like a giant ape out there with his mouthguard in, plucking the ball and dropping it in the basket. It's just that he's figuring out that he HAS power, that he CAN use himself to further himself and the game. Once he figures out his whole power, whammo. He's going to be amazing to watch. The whole process is amazing to watch, even without brownies, but they make it smell so good. And at Emma's school, we made flower headbands for her princess dress dance for the talent show, and one of the 10 yr old girls said to me kind of quietly, "Wow, you made these? My mom would never do anything like that." I felt so bad for her, because she was just in awe of someone making something. I wanted to say "Well your mom is an idiot," but I had to think supportive, so I said "Well some people are good at other things. And YOU can be good at doing this, if you want to." Then I went home and made her a flower headband. And I also felt like a got about 5 million dollars because someone saw I was doing a good job, a 10 year old just gave me a 5 million dollar verbal bonus. I could glue on a couple flowers and wrap it in tissue paper and hand it to her. Maybe her headband will make her feel important, and loved. There is meaning in this motherhood thing. And now Lilly told me yesterday she "wants to be a big-year-old." Curly headed monster. She calls her red car from "Cars," "Cars2." She's an idiot.