Dottering
by
Juliet Johnson
Aug 26 2020
EXT. POOL - DAY
Jules and her mother Bonnie are by the pool.
JULES
I can't look at her
BONNIE
Why
JULES
She's not really here.
BONNIE
I'm here, look I'm wearing this dress I always wear.
JULES
You're a ghost. I could put my whole hand through you.
BONNIE
(laughs)
Okay try it
JULES
I mean when Will had that brain injury it was the same thing only better because he was young and there was a chance he could heal up and get better and you
BONNIE
Me
JULES
This is the last act the last act is you going out like this only worse and worse and then just not
BONNIE
Hm
JULES
Anymore
Quiet
BONNIE
you don't like my dress?
JULES
I like your dress. I mean you used to dress less... old ladyish. But the flowers are pretty. You used to wear like skin tight jeans with no underwear. I don't know how you did that jeans are so uncomfortable WITH underwear, and loose. They're so heavy.
Bonnie laughs
BONNIE
I was a hottie
JULES
You thought so for sure
BONNIE
I had to have my time
JULES
Yeah I had your time too. And then I had the aftermath of your time whcih took me time to dig myself out from with the help of a therapist and like a shovel. And now look I'm still having your time. Only this time it's a twofer. Two people one brain. Wait it was always that.
BONNIE
You don't have to know everything
JULES
Yes I do
BONNIE
It doesn't help to know everything
JULES
It does though
BONNIE
It's sometimes better to know less
JULES
When is it better
BONNIE
Feel instead
JULES
I feel plenty. I feel like strangling you.
BONNIE
(laughs)
Well spend alot of time with anybody and I dare you not to feel that way
JULES
True
BONNIE
About anybody
JULES
Maybe not Charlize Theron.
BONNIE
Well
JULES
I mean she is so beautiful
BONNIE
But can she type
JULES
She is a map I would like to stick some flags on
BONNIE
Alot of people
JULES
Have I'm sure.Still. Maybe I'd like to be her. AND be with her.
BONNIE
You didn't get that from me
JULES
I certainly got that from you.
BONNIE
No
JULES
You were the biggest whore
BONNIE
Not really
JULES
Next time do your whoring before you have me. So I can just be a teenager. And get all the attention.
BONNIE
We had alot of time together.
JULES
We did, mom.
BONNIE
I wasn't perfect but we had alot of time. We knew each other, we three with your stupid brother.
JULES
He is stupid
BONNIE
We were close.
JULES
We were everything.
BONNIE
And the dogs.
JULES
Always the dogs too.
BONNIE
Not many people have even that. Have a pretty frank conversation about things. Some people don't even have that once with their kids growing up.
JULES
Frank is a good dog name.
BONNIE
We had an open house, open beds, open floor plan, furniture shoved all to the corners of the room
JULES
So you could dance
BONNIE
Better that way
JULES
Music and dancing
BONNIE
I lasted as long as I could. The way you liked me
JULES
I wish you hadn't left
BONNIE
I know.
JULES
I wish you hadn't spent the last ten years with an idiot alcoholic
BONNIE
My mom dying really hurt. I wanted to be back in her house. I thought maybe I could get her back if I left her stuff all the way she left it.
JULES
All your stuff was still in the shed. We had to get it all out.
BONNIE
I'm sorry about my brain.
JULES
I'm really sorry about your brain.
BONNIE
It just doesn't work the same. I don't know the names of things.
JULES
I'm good at knowing what you're thinking.
BONNIE
Feeling.
JULES
I feel what you're feeling.
BONNIE
You always have. It's what daughters do.
JULES
I was the only one.
BONNIE
I told you how happy I was to have a girl. You're my girl. I wanted to have a girl so badly. You came. I never thought I'd have a girl, I told you that every chance I could. I told you at the hospital I was laughing because I could buy you dresses and then crying because none of the handmedowns from your brother would be right. I told you how much I loved you and wanted you. Alll the time
JULES
You did
BONNIE
I can't tell you now, that's why I told you so much then. In case I couldn't get the words out later. I can't get the words out of my pen to write it even
JULES
I wish I kept more of your writing where you write all over the page how much you love me
BONNIE
You know I love you right
JULES
I don't mom
BONNIE
I love you even if I can't say it or say it the way you want me to say it. You have to fill in the words for me Jules. Can you
JULES
I don't want to mom
BONNIE
Can you please help me remember me please
JULES
(crying)
BONNIE
No one is going to remember me like you remember me my baby girl. You're the only girl.
JULES
I don't want all this pain
BONNIE
I'm so sorry
JULES
I don't want the pain I only sign on for the good stuff like the pizza and the bank account
BONNIE
You got me, I am still here. My shape is here and my love is here and my body is here and my hair is here and my feet are here and my heart is here and my essence is here you have to look at me like a candle that is here still here
JULES
I didn't know it was ever going to stop, like gramma stopped, I just thought it would be different with us, I thought you'd always be there annoying me with your chatter and your heaps of love and your ability to make me feel important
BONNIE
I am still trying to do that. I'm just sort of
JULES
Invisible
BONNIE
I'm changing
JULES
Like the butterfly
BONNIE
I can't be here for ever
JULES
But you brought me here
BONNIE
I didn't mean to leave you my baby. You know I would never leave any baby that I loved. I loved you guys so much. You're all that mattered, all I did that mattered.
JULES
I know. I did that with my kids, what you did. I just loved them like I loved nothing else like I could never love anything else. I loved them with all of my heart, with more than that. I didn't miss a minute
BONNIE
I didn't miss a minute either. We had alot of time, more than most.
JULES
I kept trying to heal you.
BONNIE
Lyme disease, dementia.
(laughs)
You can't heal everything. You can't heal anything, really, you can just laugh and try to love well.
JULES
I wish I was better, could love better while also being a good daughter. I am in so much pain. It is snaking up me like a spine.
BONNIE
Feel my hand on your back. I always had my hand on you somehow, I always was touching you.
JULES
That's why I think I am knowing that the time is ending, even if it is years like this, the time of you knowing me is ending. I wanted you to know me and be proud of me always
BONNIE
I am your spirit, and your love. I am your body and your heart. My body is just failing me in its own way and trying to keep me from knowing it. It's trying to be merciful. Try and help me be good to you and to me and to the kids. Will you
JULES
(crying)
I hate this
BONNIE
Will you
JULES
I am a terrible daughter
BONNIE
Don't stop asking me to go swimming. I will go when I can
JULES
I want you always, mom.
BONNIE
Don't stop making me dinner and holding my hand when we walk. Don't stop handing me carrots to feed the horses and don't stop loving me when my eyes look like there's no part of me left in there. I just can't control the look in there. I am not all in control I am sorry
JULES
I know
BONNIE
You know me Jules
JULES
I do
BONNIE
You're my only daughter
