So much about my mom obviously my mom has been on my mind
and my hands and all over all our lives here. But WAIT. There’s another person here whom something
major is happening to. She is about to leap from me. My baby.
Is leaving
For the beach. For beach and math related things. For life
related things like growing up like WHAAAAAT going to COLLEGE. Four months
late, thank you virus, but still
This is HAPPENING.
You don’t think the kids will go anywhere. Why is this? Why
do you put in the hours and the minutes and the Disneyland and the Fair and the
snow days and the airplanes and the kayaks and the Yellowstone and the diapers
and the nail clipping and the pool and the trampoline and the PARTIES man that
last party with the jumper and all those kids and the ping pong and all the
friends, KIDS everywhere, and the scavenger hunt, and the best cakes in town my
kids have had it GOOD
My kids that little middle one
The one that followed Nathan around everywhere with that
tiny doll’s face and that loud voice
The bendy always upside down one always singing dancing
She says she’s the forgotten one and nobody likes her but
she is the one always in the front. We’re all just trying to keep up. I don’t
think she’s better than us, I know she better than us, but still I see her as
just Emma, the one who did way more than she needed to do and then still felt
like it wasn’t good enough. She also tends herself well and she’s like the Buddha
of well rounded as she says I just need some DICK mom
So maybe SB will bring her this other dimension ha, or at
least some starbucks on the beach with a surfer or three, some time frolicking
and loving herself and others and playing with her new friends and I was so
young when I went to college and I feel like she is so OLD I forget she is just
a kid and this is her time because she is so close to me, she is like icing on
my own body.
We are certainly going to drive her there and be with her
there and make her happy there and love her there and take pictures of her gulp
starting her new life with the entire contents of Target in all our cars. She
will have everything she needs, not just because she is prepared like no other
but because I know her underneath herself, she is the most comfortable person
to lay on a couch with, she is the most lively person to drive with, she is the
best at sleeping on the beach, she shows up just when you are saddest and puts
her hand on your face, she is a great Space Mountain ride along buddy, she has
a gentle hand and bent knee for children and babies, she can heft a dementia
patient easily, she has a light heart, she has a deep understanding of people
loving her or those who can’t, even if she doesn’t like those outcomes.
She has her eyes on the stars but she has her feet in really
nice comfortable shoes.
This is the person we are sending out in the world and we
are drifting along behind on her scent, and in her wake, we are gathering up
the clouds to fluff up around her head in her dorm apartment and we will cry
with every nail hole that goes in there because that is her place, not with us
now. Just for now.
We are the lucky ones, we had her for so long. We started
her up, we got her skidding along, we never had to worry about her. We got her
fresh, the earliest we could get her, DIRECTLY OUT OF MY OWN PERSONAL BODY, already
all formed, all warm and incredible, and still that way today and I’m telling
you it’s not enough time.
But okay, what’s a little change in surroundings. Imagine her
leaping into this, a whole life all her own, all opening up for her to crack
open any way she wants. Enjoying that incredible newness. She’s starting her life
on a beach. That’s like the holiest
place on earth, especially that SB
beach, that’s like god’s big blue robes flowing in and out on the tide, and you
just get to stand there and witness all that great silent power. Pretty hard to
go wrong studying the world’s hardest subject in the world’s most beautiful
setting.
We cannot believe how lucky we have been and are. We don’t
take it for granted for one second. Please drive carefully and don’t swim
alone.
Don’t forget us Emma. You grow up through us stuck to our
feet like beach sand. You are our home as much as we are yours.
