I turn 56 tomorrow.
I have one crumpled baby finger who is trying to remember how to work with the big boys again.
I had a pretty good set of hands for 55 years. I guess that makes me mad, the stuff you do for fun, the baby horse, decided to accidentally kick the shit out of my good time. So now I spend all my hours bending bending bending reminding reminding finger to work the way or close to the way it used to. It is slowly getting stronger. But just like when you're pregnant and you never forget you're pregnant, the same with dumb finger not standing up like the rest of the soldiers. You are constantly aware and working it.
I have made nine Christmas stockings in the healing time of the finger, perhaps that is the message, out of brokenness comes Santa and all the shit you can pack in a decorated sock. There's no way I would have made nine Christmas stockings from January to July otherwise. Maybe Santa has a plan. Trust in Santa. In brokenness there is Santa.
I was going to get rid of the baby horse. He is definitely the most dangerous animal I've had on the property except for maybe our british neighbor Neville. I think it's the 500 pound hooved puppy mixed with the almost 56 year old me idiot that's more the situationship trouble here. I guess at this age I'm supposed to be getting fatter (not a problem) and wearing splashes of florals (um) while talking about the best place to reupholster furniture (that I found on the street).
Ten year old me loved: chocolate. stealing chocolate. trampoline. brothers. dogs. horses. mothers. beaches. romance. books. whimsy. family. climbing trees. creeks. summers.
56 year old me loves: same. add pizza take out trampoline maybe. add in frozen yogurt and soda with ice. L.M. Montgomery. Funny things that are bent but not broken. I like seeing people a little bit bent. I guess like my finger. Now I match.
I think what I've loved most about this walk on earth is holding hands with the ocean and the little babies and the big fathers
the world this big beautiful temporary breath surrounding us all, the safety of the family, the very smallest of insignificant things, the handful of people who love me.
Believing in things. Looking around my whole life and seeing people who love me saying yes. Absolutely, Jules. Believe.
Santa is guiding things. See?
