I was riding just the little nearby trail
always in between, mom cleaned and ensured and resting
Bess at basketball practice on a saturday, also fed and loved and listened to about billie eilish, listening to her music always when Bess in the kitchen
Riding down the same dirt path, where the houses couch us on either side, and the trees hang over the top like a leafy local amazon jungle
it's safe here, there's people if I need but no people in sight, people in my pocket on my phone if I fall
Under the trees I felt full of something, a layered fullness from my toes inching up from the dirt path, through the steady horse hooves, up to the top of my head
I felt full of happiness
This was right after the baby horse had leapt forward because sprinklers had gone off and she'd never seen water shooting out of the ground like a surprise party. She shot forward but she always only spooks the length of the rope, and then stops because Dewey is just plodding along contentedly so she looks apologetic and turns back and I laugh
The happiness came right before the guy on the horse rounded a blind trail corner at a run in front of us and appeared suddenly and the baby horse again leapt in surprise and turned to run but stopped because Dewey blinked slowly and kept walking
Today nothing scared me, it just seemed funny
Today was a full lucky day, lucky to have my mom, to get a daughter ready for one of only a handful of weeks of basketball left in high school. To have steady horses next to young horses and to get to let them carry me and be their burden for awhile, to be refilled with their peace on a regular boring trail on a regular boring day. That feels so rich
I come back to clean up poop, and get my mom up, and pat the dogs and see the family that is in and out, and dream about my dreamy projects, characters talking in my head, some beavers right now, of course still the 1800's explorers, Bob Fosse sometimes says hi, the lady from the steam bath who was exercising IN the steam bath and so I had to write about her.
It's a floaty life, floating toward Christmas, with three strands of popcorn on the tree, and the lights glommed on in one ball because we haven't really decorated but it couldn't be unLIT if it's in the house, right? We'll wait for Emma to decorate.
Mostly I wanted to talk about the lucky feeling of being full, when you feel so lucky you are full to the brim and you actually notice it stacked and stuffing your limbs and torso.
Maybe I don't have everything but I do have everything.
