B thinks that he's the guy who went to africa. He thinks he's the guy whose cousin died at 22. He thinks he's from Chicago, he's short, he's jewish, he ran a theater. He raised a son at 40 with some weirdo whom he now takes care of. He sits in an office and listens to the 40 year old son who is now the age he was when he got the son, that son is yelling you are not my father. you are a terrible father.
This is not barry
B thinks he is the guy who took all the kids to palm springs so he could golf for cheap in the hot and the kids could make marshmallows and rice krispies and smoke and frolic in pools the temperature of lava, and he is the guy who made a few tv shows and some movies and he likes to eat at phillipes and go to a seder and talk about everyone in the car on the way home and not trash them but dissect them, with a loving tweezer, like what if we put this part over HERE. Do you see how this person wants to be loved
this is not barry
he had a dog named dog and he lived through riots and uprisings and he was in the middle of smoky haze from police teargas and he believed in not fighting in wars and in not hurting people and in people taking care of other people even when that person is yelling at you that you are the worst ever. You can hate me all you want I will still love you. I am shaken but I will still love you
this is barry
He is the guy who listens to all of us blow up and feel shattered in a million pieces and he stands there and lets it all fall down like confetti and settle on the floor and he still stands there sort of looking at the whole scene and then he says I'm gonna go sit in the sun for a minute or he says you know what, the sun is formidable. Or he pokes a finger right at the heart of everything, he will bend down and pick up one fleck of the confetti and say here's your problem right here.
It's only this.
Then he will say there is nothing to eat
Then he will watch thoughtful news and learn everything that is going on in the world so he can understand what is going on and wonder why people are acting the way that they are and not believing what the first person tells him but listening to all the sides and then making his own decision about who is acting justly and then not telling anyone what he thinks really because he's just doing it to make it right in his MIND, he wants to know and wants to figure, and then wants to rest and wants to take action but also in a world where your actions are swallowed up as inaction, he waits
this is barry
He was there from minute ONE with each of his kids and he reached out his hands. He never once not once said no to any kid's hand. He hoisted them up and he sang
this is barry
this is barry
this is barry
He walked them, he rocked them, he sang summertime, he sang you weary hobo, he said look at that do you see that amazing thing look at that living being smiling at us and needing us
He said it's okay to break apart. It's okay to not know anything. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to chew loudly. It's okay to question authority. It's okay to try scary things. It's good to fail. It's good to play basketball. It's good to like black people. It's good to say black people. It's not racist to say black people or africa.
I met him when I was just a kid too. He was the only person who ever said anything to me about ideas that were radical. He has been there for all the greatest moments of my life. I have always run away from barry. I have never left but I have run away a bunch. Because Barry is unlike anyone I have ever met. He is unreal. He does require food that has alot of oil in it. He might be a car. He is someone I don't understand completely. I hate barry sometimes. Because he is so important to me and I could not lose him. This makes him very scary. It would be like losing my own skin. I have not treated him the way he has always treated me. He makes it look easy and I feel like everything is hard. I feel like being vulnerable is the single hardest thing to do on a real level. I can do it on a fake level. I'm a valedictorian in that, and it runs in my family. We've lettered in it.
But I can't master Barry. I like every way he is in the world. I admire so much all the ways he has taught me to not grasp something so hard you choke it to death. He says always loosen your grip man. You're okay. He has always been okay. He lives in a hot tub of self love. Not on purpose. He just grew himself there, because he was so excited about the world and his place in it. He has so much to tell us about who you can become.
That's why his son is wrong, and we know he is sick. It has nothing to do with b. B can't be stripped of himself even though it hurts his fatherhood stitching. He is still stitched in tight. That's why it hurts so much. You can't scrape that badge off as bad as his son is trying. He needs b but mostly he needs himself. made by b. to believe in that self. Once he's gotten a doctor's help. He will remember his self.
B gave me a job and then gave me a lifetime pass to learning him. He is so interesting. I am not ever bored. Sometimes I wish he would be outside more. But I wish everyone would. Aside from the couch, I don't see a purpose in inside.
There is no way I would have been the mother I am and raised the kids with hearts intact the way they are without the bear that is barry. He is the mammoth behind us all. He is the matterhorn, without the jew hating alpine music. He is the guy who opens the door, says let me get that. He looks at you and knows you.
then he talks about you in the car
He is a thinker and a feeler and a radical and he loves movies and music genres and his children and all children and dogs. He sees his place in the world and he wishes more people saw him
I see you b
this is barry
happy bday b
