The Dirk Ages

Going to see Dirk a second time was better. His mom was there (always better when a mom is in the room), and I took Nathan with me since he had hurt his foot on the trampoline and couldn't fit a shoe on to go to school. And it was pouring rain, and there were accidents all over the freeway.

The saddest part is that nothing has changed, he's still Dirk with cancer, or actually he's cancer-free, but his body is still fighting with itself, fighting healthy cells, and a body can only take so much. Even a big long body like Dirk. I brought a bunch of pictures and taped them up on the actual WALL not on Facebook so people in the room can be comforted and have something to see and laugh about. The pix are from so long ago, at least in years. The Dirk Ages, we called them.

That Dirtman made sure we all got Diet Root Beers and a chocolate chip cookie at 11 in the morning. He seemed quieter than last time. But still good to see. Kiss his bald head. Love him. This time I got the feeling that he's trying to make peace with his life, and his death, but that there is still a Dirk in there who is wishing he was out directing a bad tv show. I don't think there's a thing we go through in life that isn't bewildering, because every second is a new thing - Dirk is just walking ahead of us on that strange path, and trying to handle it.

He told me that when he drove my car cross-country to Maryland, he would stop and get out and run. He was a runner. He'd pass an 11 mile marker, drive the 11 miles, then drive back, park, get out and run the 11 miles. Then turn around and run back to the car. Sounded insane. I said, did you ever get to the 11 miles and not want to run back? He said no, but sometimes he would think "damn, I wish I'd brought some water." We laughed. He said he would tie my car key around his foot when he ran. Laughed, and said it was so stupid - if he lost the key, he'd be running a WHOLE lot farther. You don't think about those kind of things when you're 27 though. You just run.

After we left Dirk, Nathan and I had to run to help at the Talent Show, where Lilly was the littlest of 3 mermaids. Singing in a green spangly mermaid dress, curly hair from the rain, she sang mostly sideways, and raised her hands to the roof (which was getting rained on) while she pretended to be Ariel, wanting to be part of our world. I forgot the camera. Nathan and Emma were stage crew, helping Ms Eick clear the stage, keep the show running. The place was crawling with Oppers. Pretty nice, to be in the auditorium, closed tight from rain, with other families. Dirk running through my mind. But this time, instead of just being sad sad, I was thinking, look, Dirk, look at that little mermaid. Isn't she wonderful.