I've Been to Paradise

Since I'm the pool man at our house, I know the pool by its sounds, and I walked out last Thursday and the pool sounded really bad, like it was committing suicide by carving up its own pipes up and swallowing them. So I turned off the pump and called the 911 of pool guys (after looking them up online. Of the 12 pool places listed, 8 had no one answering, 2 were disconnected, 1 charged a crapload, 2 were drunk, 2 were hungover, I've used up more than 12 but just go with me math sucks - and finally I got Toney the pool guy who answered the phone, was not drunk, said it sounds like the bearings and who said he'd come by.

I live in fear everyday of my pool turning green - it turns a walk outdoors into a "how's the pool LOOKING," and if it's not looking good, it's only moments before it's looking really BAD. So having the pool pump turned off for a whole day made green pool inevitable, every second an algae time bomb. Toney came the next day but Toney is apparently the only working pool fixit man in the valley. He took apart the pump so now I couldn't plug it back in, and then said he could fix it for sure, he just had 18 other jobs to do first. Today. He could come on Sunday. It was now Friday. I said okay, voice cracking. Looking at my dismantled pump. And my threatening green pool. I am at your mercy Toney and why do you have an e in there. You do not look toned. You look like someone named Carlos.

In the meantime, I call Paradise Pool at Toney's suggestion, to find the motor and pump so I can buy it and have it ready for Toney to put in when he gets back. I call Paradise and a gruff voice answers, like it's literally bathed in cigarette smoke scratchy noisy tv in the background. I tell them the pump I need and they can have a guy come put it in for 50 bucks. Plus I need a smaller pump anyway, and they'll fix me up. But that's not what Toney said. What if I get the wrong pump? So I'm texting Toney who's doing 18 other jobs and then still make a "date" with Paradise Pools, who says their fixit guy will call me later to schedule a time to come out. I hang up and say to Barry, "I'm not sure I was talking to Paradise."

As much as I loved Toney, the Paradise dude called me. He was so chatty that somehow we had a date and he was ready to install my pump on Monday for $400, a total bargain if you don't care about money. Then I'm having to break up with Toney by text, but trying to do it like morally correctly - if he wants the job, I will break up with Paradise. But you sent me to Paradise, and once you've had Paradise, it's hard to go back. Toney was cool, Toney was overworked. So Toney took it well. Besides, my new fixit guy was named Doyle and I just loved saying his name.

Here are three things I know about Doyle after having him over to fix the pump: He is a light sleeper. He has a dog that he thought had three legs but it just runs funny. His mom has friends in Palm Springs.

Doyle put in our quiet, efficient pump cheerfully and while telling an enormously long dog story, mostly, I think so I wouldn't worry why he was a single man with a pekingnese mixed with a shar pei.

Our pool is coming back, on the edge of green, but pumping mightily into summer, with Doyle in our back pocket now. In emergencies, we know we can go to Paradise. It's actually right down the street. Toney knew the way.