Getting ready for a new horse I musta made some sort of pact to destroy my body as I moved the chicken house, and sawed branches off to fit the chicken area over there in the corner, and when I wake up after two days of immigrant hard labor I feel my body like a dead fat Marlon Brando tied on my back in the morning, I swing my feet over, get out of bed and I feel mortal
Like I can actually feel that the body I tote around and the sparkling clean me inside are two TOTALLY different things.
I was so mad the first day doing all this lifting and moving of heavy fences that I first yelled at Bess as soon as she got home to show me her new sweatshirt of Billie Eilish and I said BUT COULD YOU FUCKING HELP ME WITH THIS FENCE and then she looked sorry for coming outside but she did help and we didn't fall in the pool lugging heavy shit together
and did I mention that I got on ebay a little sound effects toy because I decided my life is crumbling a bit, I am over the limit with solo dementia care and so I bought this little toy and every time I do something like make dinner or build a chicken house I press the button with the little clapping hands and I get applause.
It is so nice to be taking a bow in your kitchen with a smile on your face, and to know that people are clapping for you
You know it's for you cause you pressed the button
the applause has really cheered me up it's almost as good as the ice cream I share every day with my mom around 4 damn that's now, I better get going. I eat all the nuts and chocolate off the ice cream and give mom the ice cream by pre biting it a tiny bit then feeding her. I am going to miss sharing ice cream, it's a really good excuse to have ice cream everyday at 4.
So today I finished the chicken house and it's only Phase One, because my hands were too shredded to make it perfect yet, so it will keep coyotes out for now but I have to still dismantle a little section, but give me a break, I'm 58 and there are no men here to do this work, I had to prairie up
I did get to use Nathan's saw and this was so fun I want to saw everything. I also want a see saw. I like anything you can ride.
I want you all to know that my days are all horse work, writing, swimming, dementia, love boat at 1pm, cleaning, laundry, couch, old pizza, needlepoint, caretaking, ice cream, Bess history and research homework (actually interesting) reading worrying resting and now applause
applause
helps me release fat Marlon Brando off my back and back out into the universe. Ice cream coats my insides for the day coming tomorrow. I think about all those people in the hurricanes and I'm worried for people floating on roofs of houses in swollen rivers. I want everyone safe, with their family and warm socks.
no small thing
ice cream. safe feet. applause
