Dear Emma,
I didn't get this card sent to you because this isn't a card and it's the first time you aren't here for your birthday. I sometimes forget you aren't right here because you are so loud you are really still here when you're gone, there's nothing that different. No I'm kidding.
Dear Emma.
I know you are a little far but only a plane ride but also a bus ride to the plane ride so that seems like a lot. Alot of people and variations of clouds, a ride through clouds to get here that seems like far. But you came to us the very first, from the very first second you opened your loud little mouth we were there. You weren't loud as a baby. I'm just kidding really. We like you grew up loud. Cause you always looked like a tiny doll with luxurious hair and crystal blue eyes and the bone structure of young titanic Leo DiCaprio. You came to us first and only us, in Santa Monica in that tiny delivery room with Ziani in overalls, all four months old of her, on the bed, waiting for that cousin to come. I couldn't believe I had a girl, my own girl, to braid hair and have ribbons and to be my friend. dear emma
I did not know at all that you would be this skyrocketing star, I only saw the 1%, the little bundle on the bed wrapped in the homemade quilt we brought to the hospital. I remember getting out of bed in the night to go to the bathroom and leaving you there on the bed and then climbing back in and there was newly minted Emma sleeping all wrapped up like the world's cutest burrito, just waiting there, happy there, resting, safe. It was my first night without Nathan since he'd been born, 18 months earlier, so I was a little confused, I had a baby and now I had TWO babies. As usual I just laid down in my bed and now you were here, and I looked at you and my life and felt like I always do, that I have everything I ever wanted.
little babies in hospital beds. they make the world stop, like snow falling. Everything goes quiet and you just look because this moment has never come before and the snow tells you to shhh and look at the majesty of this one little person in this one little life story we all are lucky enough to get to have somehow
I think that's why I wanted at least 4-8 children because I wanted more time to stop like that and to fill the time with something worthy like loving a baby. I got 3. Luck. I got 3 whole babies.
For your birthday I wish that you run leaping and frolicking. That you're enjoying having your mind opening all those little doors that require math combinations that only you can figure out. I hope that it's an adventure, the learningfiguring it out, not just with math, but in regular days, with every single thing, because that's where the joy is, where we are curious, like Alice, like Peter Pan, like Einstein, like Jimmy Stewart
As b would say look for the heart in all things and do those things
he says that will always be an interesting path and you are never sorry for those trips. I'm still on mine. not an acid trip. motherhood. maybe it is an acid trip we better ask dad
All I know is I thought I was okay until I had you and then I realized my life was missing so many days in a row of this colorful badass bendy flowery swimmy popsicley rainy puddle one direction santa barbara funny kind sweary hangry loving interesting investigative intersteller reader just fer scuzz adorable down to every cell daughter
It doesn't matter you're in Bowdough. You never left us, you're made of us. We're holding your space. And of course it's snowing there, like you said on the phone. Because you were born and the world says wait snow means shh
stop
look
look at her
how beautiful
