I'm trying a new thing and tell me if I'm doing a good job, I'm trying not to know everything.
I'm trying to see if maybe NOT knowing how to do everything and how to be everything would ALSO be a way to live. I'm trying to observe more. I am a king observer in general, I didn't think I could do better, that's how writers steal your essence, but I think maybe observing and not telling you how you're doing something not to my liking
That might be a weird thing not to do
So I'm just spending more time with horses. That helps. They don't talk. My one horse has gotten weird. A few years ago a crazed pony chased us and I fell off and ever since that demon tried to kill us, this mare has had one eye out for the crazy pony.
So because she has the one eye out for the crazy pony, and she's like 1100 pounds, and I'm on top of her, now I have the one eye out or both or all three of my eyes out for that crazy pony.
Recently as in today I just got off my horse and said I'm tired bro
I'm tired of looking for crazy. There is no crazy. We've been riding for 8 YEARS on these trails, young mags. We saw one errant pony who is hopefully dead now. Why does one thing have to ruin the rest of our lives bro.
Hmmm. We do like to hang on to stuff, as an earthly habit of all species.
I got a walk in, anyway. The horses followed along. No crazy ponies. But I didn't wanna fight the anxiety anymore.
Maybe I sell this mare, if the right place comes along for her. Maybe she mellows back to herself eventually. Maybe I sell all the horses and stop needlepointing and then what, what will my fingers and my thighs do.
What will we all do if Bess is unhappy. With college looming.
We will keep one eye out for the crazy pony. We will have her keep learning how to talk to us and that we are here, walking alongside her if she is too scared to have us on top of her. I will let go of knowing
I want to keep observing and see if I can see the detours coming up. There is always a garden path if you unfocus your eyes for a second. There's always a new way to go
