The Huck Stops Here

I haven't been blogging because my new blog is Instagram. Just take a picture and you don't even have to write anything. More time to put Nutella on popcorn and watch westerns while looking on ebay.

This is a mom's way of filling the gap where the kids used to be.

I also spend a lot of time outdoors, in the woods with the horses. There is silence in there, in the sky  and the grass growing through sand. No one talks to me because there is no one and it's just me and sunlight earth and creatures.

I take Becky, it's her only time away from the new puppy. Huckleberry is 3 months old and likes to sleep on my head at night, stretched like a blonde submarine against the headboard. If I don't wake up early enough, he likes to wrestle Becky, on my head, at 6 a.m.

I haven't been writing (this is the "I haven't been writing" post) because I guess I've been gathering. Working/subbing, where I get to observe kids and fake teach. Immersion in humanity. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty for being lazy inside. And finding places to refill my ice cup.

We're also shooting the second of our short films in three days. Another shoot standing around with strangers having to listen to my words over and over out of the mouths of other people, and trying to pretend it's not personal, raw and emotional. Maybe I should just dive into that. See what's on the other side when I come up for air.

Being a writer and putting your words out there, on film, is supposed to be the purpose of the writing to begin with, but it's so vulnerable. It isn't as bad as the first time. Maybe you get emotional callousness, and then you're free to write anything. Except I was already free, just hidden.

Today I felt like, when I was out with the horses, and my saddle fit, and I could breathe in fresh air, I thought, I'm good at this. After riding every day for almost 6 years. So maybe the writing out in the world - I just need more time in the saddle to be good at it, satisfied in myself.

Also I've been at physical therapy for our car accident, and I just feel like an octopus in my own body. Like I'm made of tentacles and I never quite understood how my body stands up right and works all together. I like my body, we're just never quite in sync when I have to walk or stand up. After 52 years. Still getting acquainted.

Okay I'm going to put the puppy and the youngest to sleep. Nothing more I can figure out tonight.

This little puppy, he is a wiggly and funny, enthusiastic and laid back boy. He loves everything and so what if he accidentally ate a chicken and half a lemon cake. He's a trail dog in training, and he's come to enjoy his life with us. The Huck stops here.