Man there's a reason I wasn't in sports.
Like usually I go to Lilly's games and just feel like I wandered into the wrong office party, all the parents are all sunburned or nervous or short
but now that we won the city championship every game counts they're counting down to state and Lilly's only a freshman so she doesn't play much but now I'm invested, like I know these players and these girls are brave and rough out there
anyway we were winning by like 8 and these rival girls were big like Olive Garden from Bakersfield big and they came fierce, they wanted to win baby
and we got like a giraffe girl, and a big and small Mariah, and someone's little sister and Nicole, the star
Nicole is like when you look up in the sky and it's night and you can't see anything and you know how small you are and Nicole is that whole sky crammed into the beaten up Verdugo Hills gym
the whole game her shots are arcing up and in, like a dolphin leaping down a waterfall
but then somehow the big team is catching up and then no they're ahead and then there's 30 seconds left in the game and I see other girls on the bench for the other team they're standing up jumping they're grinning they're going to win they're going to leave us in the dust and go to state
and Nathan's yelling because the refs are making bad calls and then we're down 49 to 51 and there's point 20 seconds left and Nicole gets to make two free throws
and she, in all this pressure, she closes off her mind and she bounces the ball, and she makes one shot, then two. then it's overtime and suddenly we're wait
we're not losing
we're ahead
the green team, the leprechauns who were a second ago ahead are falling, the tortoise and the hare, and we're the tortoise and suddenly the buzzer sounds and we win
I could not
I was sitting next to the cheerleaders maybe that was the problem they were so loud and as the game escalated to the anxiety level of being chased by a serial killer the game was so close and I thought I'm going to have to leave I am having an anxiety attack the amount of pressure
and at the same time it makes you want to play like to be good at something and to know the joy of finding your strength and depending on your coach and your teammates
developing yourself into a powerhouse
maybe the best parts of life are the worst anxiety because there's something at stake you have to strive for and if you lose you actually lose, big
I think all these months trying to help my mom and I'm learning just from these kids, these 16 year olds who haven't done anything yet they've just learned how to play a game but they play it with such heart
when you're done w high school and then just visiting high school when your daughter has made it thru covid and isolation and because of her dad encouraging her to keep playing all these isolation years she now has this place and these people she belongs to and this goal to care about something soul filling and healthy
how is this not everything and everyone and all life's journey, this trying for something,
anything
with all your heart exposed
seeing Nicole and her whole sky
she is all of us, at our best
