The Flower by the Fence

There's this flower by the fence where I stand to watch Lilly go into her classroom.

Since the school has a gate now, and parents aren't allowed to go in, I drop her off and she goes to her line and I RUN around the school until I get to the place in the fence where I can see her classroom and its outdoor hallway and I stand there. Sometimes with the dog, who eats blades of grass like the sheep I wish she was. Sometimes I'm in my riding boots because I'm going riding after I leave Lilly.

But mostly I'm just there, standing by this little patch of overgrown garden, right there by the fence at 8 in the morning. The bell rings, the kids follow their teachers like little ducks, waddling in their messy lines to each classroom. Some teachers are already yelling at their kids. Lilly's teacher waves at me.

The kids line up at the door, wrestling with their stuff, listening to her instructions, the door opens. They start filing in. I wait to see her, I can't really see her too clearly this far, but there is the blob that is Lilly, in the clothes I wrangled her into from the floor this morning, with the hair ribbons I tied in her braids, with the shining face and the stomach filled with food I made. There's my perfect girl.

Our older kids, I got to walk directly to their classrooms every morning, holding their hands, kissing them before they walked in. Lilly I kiss at the gate, run around the side, wait for her by the flower, wave and yell I love her. She waves happily. Disappears inside.

When I started subbing at the school this year, Lilly and I would go inside the school at the same time, she'd go to her classroom and I'd go to mine. This is good, I thought. She'll have me all day, nearby. One of the days I was done subbing, she asked me "Are you subbing tomorrow?" I said no. She said, relieved, "Good." "Why?" I asked curiously.

"Because then you can wave at the fence," she said happily.

So I stand there by the flower. When I run there fast, and the bell hasn't rung yet, I start looking at the rosebush that's planted right there. I decided one day that that was my little patch of land and I would keep it nice and pruned while I was standing there. So I pick off the dead leaves, and break off the wilted flowers, and keep the vine growing green and wild.

Today I walked past the spot in the fence that is mine, going someplace else, and I saw my little reddish orangeish flower growing peacefully right there. I haven't been able to stand at the fence because I took a long term assignment inside the school, and I knew I wouldn't be at the fence. On the last day I was there, I was lucky enough to know it was my last day there (we aren't always lucky enough to prepare for change, are we?) so that last day by the fence I teared up because this was 2nd grade, the last day of 2nd grade, waving at my Bess going in to class. The perfectly pruned flower and I waved, and watched her go in.

So today I passed my flower and saw it blooming there and I thought, we're all here, aren't we. Still waiting, and hoping, and loving, aren't we. That flower is important.