Me Love You Long Time

We've been doing too much work, and taking care of Poppa, and so today, Monday, in the early morning I dashed out of here, out of our busy little city and drove to see a horse in Malibu.

Every time I drive just a little bit out of the city and see the big empty hills and less cars and no people, I feel this huge burden gone. Living in the city, even the fake country/city where I live, it's like I suck in everyone's tension and man am I bloated. So driving out there, up a curvy mountain, whew, you can see the OCEAN?? What??? That big blue curving ocean horizon, you can see the actual Earth and if you imagine, you can zoom out and know that a few hundred thousand feet up there, we are floating in nothing but stars.

This is a humbling thing, this blue ocean vista with a side of hidden stars.

But back to me on the PCH, and turning at Zuma Beach, turning the WRONG way (not going to the beach, which is always the better direction) but turning on the little funky road that winds back where rich people who like foggy weather keep their horses.

I meet the lady Kim Jim (no kidding) who has the vast property that me and my shitty beat up car do not belong on. She's dressed in horse perfection, and horses are all pastured ornately in their paddocks, and I'm thinking wow am I broke. I spent the whole drive up thinking I should turn around because even though I want a second horse for the kids to ride, it doubles my hay budget and doubles my energy budget, and I shouldn't be making this drive but then I'm here and here's Kim and I'm for sure this is a mistake. Her pants cost more than my mortgage.

But I must not be saying any of this out loud, because I am following her to the round pen where the horse is that she's wanting to get rid of. She bred him herself, he's a Thoroughbred, I like Thoroughbreds, I have a Thoroughbred, he's tall and young and I'm pretty sure I don't want a tall and young horse for my beginner kids.

We go into the round pen and there he is, and he's really friendly, a little beat up from living out in the pasture, and she's telling me his history and basically I know right away THIS HORSE IS GIGANTIC. He's taller than MY huge horse at home. This is not going to happen. But I just got here and how do you pull the plug when you just met? It's like living through a bad blind date.

Then she keeps talking about all the things she MAYBE should have put in her ad, like oh, he's not sound, oh, he needs bute, oh, he has pads on his shoes, oh, he hasn't been worked in like a year.

Then she has her working student come to get on him for me. I have a working student too. It's me.

This girl is great. She's a dorky horse girl, with no make up, she's known the horse his whole life, the horse belongs to HER, really. She fools with him and jumps on him and we're still talking but I'm just hoping to get out of there because this is not the horse. They ask if I want to get on and I say no. There is nothing about climbing onto an apartment building that I have no history with and asking it to move around while I ride it that I want any part of.

Kim Jim Sim or whatever decides to go and ride her horse now because she is bored. She mentions if we take her horse that we could bring him back at any time. She has him listed for $3000 but she will give him to me. I would not take a lame, 17h TB who hasn't been ridden in years because that makes no sense. You might want to lower you asking price online, I mentally let her know. And include some key details.

Instead I talk to the young girl, since we're the last two at the party, as I edge out of there still looking enthusiastic. The horse is a sweet guy, but I already have a project horse, and I really need a trip to Hawaii or a graduate degree more than I need him.

I drive home thinking I wasted my morning except for the nice girl and the ocean, and I'm not going to ride because I already wasted my riding time but then I get home and get on my horse and ask him to work kind of hard for me instead of just meekly riding like I usually do. Because being 49 has made me meek. But seeing that lady in her expensive Asian life with her horses, it made me glad I know my horse and haven't given up on him. Going to see her wasn't about getting her horse, but I am on the right track. If I can find a kind horse who will take care of my kids, riding trail will be fun before they go off and get cars and lives. Being outdoors away from your phone away from the city, it makes the space in your head quieter. It gives you room to grow.

That part is free.