Baby, Baby

So let's see what I did today.

Got up early and went out in the dark and cold to feed Dewey and his new little sheep buddy Travis. Travis likes to come running over like he's been on a cruise and hasn't seen you, his only living relative, in months. Baaaaaing all the way. I bring my phone out with me so in case I get a subbing call I can take the job.

I feed the chickens bunnies and Dew and Travis, clean up after Dewey. Go back inside and make 3 sandwiches, 3 snacks, 3 fruits, 3 cookies, 3 waters. It's getting light out. I get breakfast stuff out. I realize I forgot my phone on a bale of hay in the barn. I wake up Emma and it's her birthday so I kiss her because what would life be like without 14 years of Emma Vivian.

I go back out to the barn in the light now, and see that I missed two calls, of course. My subbing job for the day missed. But I actually have to clean up for Emma's party so this will be a working day here instead.

Back inside people stagger in to eat. Huge tall Nathan who looks like a college coed. Emma who gets blueberry muffins because it's her birthday. Luckily I made them last night. Lilly is still sick but I'm sending her to school hoping she doesn't have pink eye. She and I are both all stuffed up. Ms. Eick calls and wishes Emma a happy birthday.

Kids off to school, I take Lilly. Wave at the fence. She waits to go in last so she can wave the longest. The teacher waves at me too.

Get home and blow all the leaves out of the backyard. Clean the kitchen. Clean the living room. Put away laundry. Wake up Poppa at 9. He does not want to get up. He's 99 and 3/4. I bring Becky in and she puts her paws on the bed and licks his arm. He pets her and this wakes him up a little bit. She's my secret weapon. I get Poppa's room ready for him, his bathroom ready, pills out, teeth out, washcloths out, insulin ready, food ready, coffee ready. Go back to wake him up again. I help him move over in the bed and finally get his feet out. Find his slippers. He's got a little cough. He's pretty slow today, he just doesn't seem himself. He forgets to put his clothes on his walker and take them to the bathroom. In the bathroom he forgets to go sit on the toilet. I have to aim him where he has to go. Help him take off his pajamas. Wait for him. Get him to stand up and wash him off with the warm washcloths. I like this part because I like a nice clean 99 year old baby. I think about how someone had him and washed him and carried him around on their arm, and I bet she never thought that someday someone else would be doing what she would be doing if she was still here. We moms need these people later on, to care for our babies the way we did. So I do it for her. I get him all dressed and shirt buttoned and depends on and pants on and slippers, and then he has to get up again to go do his teeth and pills, and he always wipes the counter the same exact way, and he pulls the drawer out to lean on it exactly the same way and I think wow we probably all have these routines we don't even realize - these exact movements that we repeat unconsciously that make our life this secret personal ballet. He is moving pretty slowly today, even for him. I help him hold his pants up when he walks. Throw his wet stuff in the washer and wait for him to be done and then get him to the table and help him do his blood sugar and shot. Then his food is all there, fruit salad and coffee and 4 sugars and a roll with butter. Put his sweater on even though it's going to be 85 degrees. And he's all done.

I go back inside and vacuum and clean Lilly's room. Straighten bookshelves. I should really dust. But we have to run to Costco for Emma's party stuff and Poppa's stuff so B and I run there at noon and I have an hour so we run thru, eat half a piece of pizza, talk about our families. Brothers. His dad. Grades. Rush back unload and then I zip up to school because I promised Lilly I'd come volunteer. Lilly's class is noisily doing multiplication so I leap in to help and we do a multiplication game where they line up as two teams, and two kids at a time have to stand in front of the teacher and she gives them a multiplication problem and they have to try to be the first to solve it. Lilly says she's doesn't like this game because it makes her feel like she has to go to the bathroom. Then she scores the highest five points for her team and wins the whole game in the last clutching seconds. 8x7 is 56. The winning problem. 8x7 is her favorite one too because 56 is Nickelodeon. Sponge Bob's channel. See, tv is good. TV won her the game.

We stagger home and then the big kids get home and I realize that Nathan has homework and we're going out with Emma for her birthday. So that means all the things I had for Nathan to do to clean up is really MY job now. So I go out and rake the front yard and bag leaves. I blow the front walkway and driveway. Nathan cuts up the Christmas tree and stacks some wood, so he does help. And Barry cleans up the tools from when we tiled the kitchen floor. The house is starting to look liveable and party worthy. It's almost 5 pm. I feel like I'm suffocating under a pile of fat nuns. It's a quiet, humid holy death.

We run to the dollar store for Valentines for Lilly's class tomorrow. She fills them out at the restaurant where Emma gets a free dessert for her birthday. We stop at Lowe's for chlorine. We do Target for party things we forgot. We get home 8:30 and go over spelling words. My eyes are burning I'm so tired. Lilly wants to take a pile of toys to school, she says with a scratchy voice. If I'm not subbing I get to go to her Valentine's party tomorrow. If I am, then I have to miss it. But I came in today. Just in case that happened. She says "I think I have the most sense." Then she says. "I have the most sense of anyone. In my piggy bank." Cents. Oh. I should videotape her. I never video anything. She's so beautiful.

We get ready for bed and she says I hope we have time to floss. We floss. We fall into bed. She makes sure she gets her candy ready for tomorrow. She and her friends have a sharing club. They decided they would share stuff on holidays. So she has her sharing candy ready and her regular Valentine's candy ready.

She falls asleep in 3 seconds. Becky leaps on the bed and curls up at our feet. I get up to do something but can't remember what so I type this. I don't think it translates, how every second is filled with labor. It doesn't sound hard all spelled out in letters without the bending and shoving and sweating of outdoor work. When I was filling a bag of leaves out front I was thinking about how I was in labor 14 years ago at exactly this time. Emma was almost a person out in the world. She was on her way. At 4:14 we stood out front and watched the phone clock change to her birth time. We took a picture. I scooped leaves off the grass thinking about how lucky I get to clean up the grass for a party for a baby I've had for 14 years. Even though the work isn't that fun. How lucky I get to have the baby still. Here and healthy. So there is all this sweat and dirt. It washes right off.

Emma's still here. And she's giving us this simple, free thing. We get to watch her grow up.