My friend Chris talked to me awhile because sometimes it's good to talk to a person who kind of has a serious job and has done everything sort of in a smart way. But she also feels like she's basically nowhere so we have that in common plus she laughs a bunch in all the right places. Absurdity works for her.
Basically I said should I be doing something with my writing, or can I be happy just taking such good care of things. Like knowing I'm loving my mom the best in her illness and raising three happy and well adjusted humans who like themselves. And today while I was doing my laps I taught the puppy to step into the vast blue pool and just sit on the steps for the first time and not leap out. Not be scared. But explore the water slowly from her safe little step. Immersion only paw deep. One step closer to the vast. Where she'll eventually be swimming, looking for the ball, frolicking. Happy. She's only 3 months on this earth. What is the rush always.
I think I answered my own question.
I decided though that the biggest writing problem is my computer is always over THERE, and I'm over here, at night, when I sit down, on the old couch we found on the street. So just now I want you to know I got up and MOVED my computer over HERE but then found out my plug doesn't have three prongs to plug into so I can't quite have it over HERE yet, but it is CLOSER, I will plug it in just down by the window for now until I can get the three pronger adapter thingie HERE. That's progress.
When Chris was telling me to get my writing on Substack, some other site where writers and readers can find you and subscribe, and she was telling me to just shoot my short comedies on my phone in 30 second installments to grab the people's attention -
I started thinking but you don't understand I can't find the VAN KEYS. Like DO I have alzheimer's already? I did lose the van keys for like a week so far. They're either under a pile of hay, in a pillow in mom's room, thrown out with the horse shit trash, or maybe the puppy took it and hid it under a chair. All I know is now on my list to do is make a duplicate key from the spare keys before I lose those too.
Chris just said do the things that make you happy. And that are true to you. Like don't put my writing on a dumb platform that I will never visit. Do what I can sustain, and look forward to doing, and adding to.
So I took the step of moving the computer closer. And look I'm writing in here. Hi.
I decided I will look into self publishing my little novella LARGE about the chef, because if I die I want the kids to have that book on the shelf so they can read it sometime and say hey. Mom was a writer. I want them to hear me, or have the option to. Once they're big and driving around in their own lives and taking showers by themselves etc. Oh man they all three are doing all those things already. What is the rush always.
I just get scared seeing my mom dwindling like the last fire before springtime hits and you don't use your fireplace anymore til right before Christmas. I feel like I don't always understand words and I'm tired and one of heels hurts when I get up in the morning and all I was doing was sleeping I wasn't sleeping standing on that foot all night. I don't like that age makes you aware of a body. A body should just be the way you get to your car. Not like all spotlighted all the time.
Anyway, you guys, I don't wanna keep you up. I've just been watching old 70's kid movies when I sit down like The Wildnerness Family which I never saw in the 70's, but it's just like what every kid dreams. You move to the wilderness with your family and a pair of bear cubs adopts you and sleeps in your cabin that you made together. Your dog rescues you from wolves. Your dad wears jeans even when swimming and there's no other humans anywhere around for hundreds of miles.
Chris said to just have fun, even thinking about what you want to do.
So I'm on the pool step. Violet the pup and I are learning the world together on our own and no one else's schedule of success. And the pool is so vast and warm and playfilled.
