Today I didn't ride with Kurt, I took him out yesterday and he's been having trouble with his body so we had to do a trail that involved no bending under trees or breaking branches to get through. Hmmm, I thought yesterday, I have to do another trail tomorrow to make up for this one.
I probly wouldn't ride as much if I didn't have a little horse to pony out alongside us to get him all trained up. And I barely go out to the creek much by myself lately cause I've been too tired to do a longer ride alone. But I got up early to see Bess off to school, then I'm already up and it's beautiful out there so I say to myself c'mon let's hit the trail.
I take Dewey, the sturdiest ship in the fleet, the tall black commander of our horse army, he is mellow and steadfast. Except don't walk over anything that wiggles he can't stand that.
We pony Meriwether up over the hill, down into the dam, down into the creek. I saw on instagram how you can retrain your brain when it starts thinking what if I die what if the horse freaks out what if a homeless rapist pops out of bushes waving a loud weedwhacker - I listen to my mind and then I say what the lady online said
what if everything's ok what if we have the best ride ever what if your kids are happy what if you live a long life what if this is one of your best memories
So as we go through the creek and I have to get down to break a branch out of the way, and I have to try and get back on my huge horse by standing him next to a log or mound of sand, I keep saying what if this is the best ride ever
We go down the deep water way, where it's South Carolina lush like we're in the home of the most secluded and merriest ducks, they paddle along near us so satisfied with the morning. The water is clear and splashy and we duck under branches. I have to get off another time to clear some bushes out of the way for Dewey who dislikes stepping into anything that might, well, wiggle freakishly. I don't mind helping make it a good ride for him. He's making it good for me, with his gentle, quiet eyes watching us, and also mildly studying the ducks and which plants might be good to eat along the water's edge.
I get back on, path cleared and we we go as far as we can up this little section of creek. There's a log jam at the end so we turn around and head back, now knowing what the hazards are since we came this way. I go through the deep water and then say hey c,mon, we're here, let's do it one more time for fun. So I turn them and make them go through the sloshy part once more. I'm videoing so I can look at it later and be proud of Meri's progress. He loves everyplace we go, he generally is well behaved, but he is 3, so there is 20% underlying tension that he will murder us.
I'm videoing him and we go under a big leafy branch so I have to duck and then Meri stops but Dewey doesn't and my rope is running out as Dewey keeps walking and I have no hands to grab it, it's like a fat kite string unraveling I try and grab it hard with my upper arm against my ribs but because I have a camera I don't have the hand to stop Dewey and I drop the rope.
This is never good because you don't want to unleash the 700 pound toddler in the creek, but I just have accidentally. I cram my phone away and turn Dewey around back under the heavy branch and there is no Meriwether.
We are in the creek, everything is the same and beautiful, but Meriwether is invisible, crashing around up on the bank, disappeared into the dense trees and brush. Dewey holds his head up a bit alarmed by the disappearance of the world's biggest brat, and I aim him over to the opposite creek bank, and get off, in case Meri comes busting out of the bushes like superman. I stand next to Dewey. I'm scanning the woods across the water, hearing him, my mind is running ahead as a good rider's does assessing the odds here well there's nowhere he can go he won't leave Dewey Dewey's his mom those woods go for miles I can call a ranger
In my body though, I use my eyes looking for him, I use my voice calling him like I do when I'm at home at the fence with a carrot Cheerfully "Meriwether!"
My mind is looking at the woods still hearing him in there somewhere and I'm thinking I can't go in there, it's so thick, what am I gonna drag Dewey in there we'd be tangled in an instant I can't leave Dewey here then I have two horses loose, Dewey doesn't tie well, he's a free spirit
I do what I always do in emergencies. I think all these things. But I do what my body says
I wait.
I stare vigilantly at the woods, I stand next to kind Dewey, I call happily out for "Meriwether! Come on Meriwether! Where'd you go? Come on boy!" But what else can I do really. I'll wait.
After listening and listening and crashing tromping underbrush noise I finally see his white head. He is so happy. It's SO COOL up here, he's saying. He is a thinker, though. He comes to the edge of the brambly woods, but can't see a good spot to get down to the creek. There's sort of a bushy tangled ledge to get back down. I call to him happily. "That's a good boy. Good boy Meriwether. Take your time. Be smart."
He picks along the bank, and decides to try and go down in the worst spot, where there are three skinny fallen logs that look like an excellent spot to put a leg in and then break it half in three places. "I don't think that's the right spot there buddy" I'm saying happily. Meriwether stops to reassess.
Dewey is just standing next to me, happy for the nap. He trusts that the little fella will come back, he never gives Dewey a moment's rest, why should this be any different. I'm watching Meri, I'm counting on that bond, and all the time and carrots we've spent nurturing it.
I think He's RIGHT THERE I could go over and grab his rope, but I don't think I could climb up through that giant mess of brush easily and I don't want him to go farther back into the woods.
So I wait.
I wait and hope that he wants to be with us more than he wants to not be with us. He likes adventure. But he loves us.
Meriwether slowly doubles back and finds the safest spot to angle down the creek bank, carefully through all those bushes and shitty loose footing, and he dips back into the water, and comes walking right back through the creek, all the way up to us, all the way up to my hand. He hands me back himself.
that was awwwwwesome, he grins, shaking his head happily. Dewey looks at him like you're a fucking idiot
I get back on my horse. I decide maybe not to video on the way home. Maybe just be glad I'm going home with two horses just like I left with.
I feel very good on the ride back. I realize that I've been stressing about where I'm supposed to be, what I'm supposed to be doing next, what do I do about money or working, where do I go next, from this bog of sadness and dementia with my mom, and the honorable yet daily work to make her and our lives and days as gentle and satisfying and peaceful as they can possibly be
And I realize Meri and Dewey showed me very accurately, today, exactly what to do. When you're in fear, or panic
Just wait
and think
what if this is the best ride ever
what if it's all gonna be okay
