I wrote this awhile ago but I'll post it now so I can think about what I want to write next.
If anyone wants a how to, after 25 years raising kids and the last one just graduating last night, I thought I'd write some things down about how to make a successful kid/make a kid ready for the world, helpful to others and secure in themselves. Since one of the high school teachers (who loves all our kids) said "you're good at raising kids. You should write a book" and Emma said "she did"
Things I've taught my kids
Ping pong
how to navigate disneyland efficiently
beach trips once a week in summer
taking them out of school twice a year for the fair in the fall and Disneyland in the winter
the backpack fairy
all fairies
how to pick out a puppy
grades are important
talk about things when you can
sit on people
find the laugh
grades aren't always important
road trips
how to swim before 4 years old
darts
board games
volunteering in school
bathing suit drawer
taking care of old people
how to make fried chicken
how to make rice krispy treats
how to make cream of wheat
raising chickens
raising horses
raising bunnies
from b: be honest be true to your word be brave don't box anyone, allow change
Things my kids have taught me
if you see something on the street that's free that you like, drag it home
how to make a golf cart run
it's ok to be scared
math appreciation
dedication to a sport or a study
being part of a team makes you feel safe
how to trust people
how to have a party
how to do homework until midnight
enjoying shows about retarded people
car appreciation
surfing
water polo
basketball
dance
gymnastics
skateboarding
how my phone works
how to navigate shitty friends
slang
what I'm not sure how to teach them:
how to love someone
whether life will always work out
crying is important
I can't imagine my life with three raised kids. Even though I'm still learning how to grow up from my own parents still at 58. I feel to be able to get here, to having these kids 18, 23, 24. I hope I have them always, pushing me forward, reminding me to stay open to everything, even when things don't always seem to be flowing in the right direction
I am lucky to have gotten my dream and lived it almost every single second in the role I wanted as writer and mother, to be able to watch them. Soak them in, and talk about it. Maybe I can't do complex math problems, but I can sit next to the girl driving in the car to go pick up nandy and listen to her boulder experience, her people, and the study she is ardent about, with her blonde face and cheery eyes. I can listen to Nathan on the way to fix my phone when he talks to his friend Carson about cars (yes you read that right) and what they're going to do next, and how at the graduation for Bess, the teacher that said maybe Nathan could come there to teach AP Psych, or better yet he could use Nathan to tell his problems to for an hour. And watching Bess the Caboose navigate shitty friends and still know she is solidly good inside and has given everything, all while listening to a Billie soundtrack. This is inspiring to remind me to believe in myself and my goodness.
Also I want to do a shoutout to the universe. The last few days have been really hard with our new dementia patient Nandy needing daily care while we figure out her level of sickness, added on top of my mom, and our regular kid family. I keep relearning how to fight from an exhausted place which feels scratchy and empty and yet people rally to help. Yesterday I had two hospice people call me to say they will help do anything to make it easier for my mom to keep her equipment and get care, one lady was helping me who had a son graduating from high school that same night as I was having Bess graduate, and it was her youngest of three also, and we talked about how hey, we are at the exact same spot on the same day and what happens now? After the Hunger Games are fought, do we rest in The Victor's Village? Then a guy called just now about Medicaid benefits for my mom and I listened and then said really my mom can't use vision or dental or any extra care I'm just keeping her comfortable and out in the sun as long as possible and she can only use one arm and he said he lost his mom in covid, in a nursing home, and he was so sad and so glad that my mom had me and that I was helping her. Josh, a voice on the phone. Missed his mom.
Or Patrick last night after the graduation where we ate at like 10pm and then we're standing in the living room at midnight and he's crying a bit about the conversation he had with his mom where he felt alone and scared to be a new dad, and his mom apologized for not being there for him growing up, and how she wants to be better now as a gramma and he said he just sat there silent and crying because he couldn't believe his mom finally talked about letting him down when he was young and needed her. The words made him crumble after trying so hard to overcome everything these years.
I like humans who share troubles and feel their lives. We try to survive so hard without bothering anyone or sharing and I think maybe we're here to be bothered, and snuggled.
I think that's what a mom is for. I wear the shredded with love badge I earned. I mother, and I will never stop needing mothering.
