No Motherhood Guide in Sight

You'd think after 12 years I'd know how to grow with these kids, and figure out what I'm doing, what each one needs, how to gracefully navigate these huge bodies they're growing into, and help shape their minds. I know nothing. I know how to go to Costco to drink soda and trash the kids to my friend Tina. I think it's because it's impossible, and the only thing TO do is to drink soda and trash the kids, and then go home, roll up my sleeves and be that mixture of Cozy Farm Mom and Butt kicker. Navery is getting so tall that I HAVE to help him become as independent as possible, which right now means getting him to understand algebra and actually TRY in school. Evie is on her Everything's Great, Everything's Terrible see-saw, and it took me awhile to realize even she doesn't know how to navigate that. Bess is only 5, so she just spent a half an hour at bedtime counting to ten in Spanish. And saying the substitute was way nicer than her teacher cause they played bingo, but there were no prizes. I want her to always have a prize. Sigh.